A year ago I started seeing a therapist. A year ago a began the amazing journey to processing what this new life would mean for me. A year ago I was a different person than who I was before I got sick and today I sit here a different person than who I was when I first got sick. It’s been an interesting journey. I have been through some battles that many do not know about. Unless you were there during my struggles you probably do not know what I faced entirely. I’m a strong woman and I knew it was going to be a long process of learning to live with my illnesses.
She has helped me come to terms with the different obstacles that I encounter with being sick. From the daily symptoms, medications, side effects, to the limitations that they put upon me. She has given me the tools to process how they changed my life. She allows me to talk things out, to process and has helped me on the journey of accepting this new life.
In the beginning there was a lot of uncertainty. A lot of unknown, too many questions. I learned quickly that I am rather afraid of the dark abysses of uncertainty. I did not deal well with not knowing what was going on with me. I dealt even worse with the fact that people kept telling me there was nothing wrong, even though I knew there was something going on. People let me down. People hurt me. My trust in the medical community decreased greatly during the first few months of my illness. I was left with a form of PTSD because of some of the things that happened. It has taken many sessions of talking about the details of what transpired to get me where I am today with recovering from those first few months of being sick.
Truth is, I’m a different person. I will never be who I was before I got sick. Life changed, I have adapted, and with that I have changed, mentally, emotionally, physically. I have grown in many ways. I have learned some new skills with dealing with my anxiety. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not affected by my illness in some way. It’s amazing how much of an impact this had, and how much changed, so quickly. I’m also always amazed at how quickly people judge me for changing, before they realize everything that I went and still go through. If anything this whole journey has been a very eye-opening experience.
I’m just now getting to a point where I can voice clearer to the people closer to me what my day-to-day life is like, and realize that even though they spend every day with me, even they didn’t realize what the last 1.5 years has been like entirely for me. Learning how to better communicate what I am going through has helped me deal with things because has lessened the feeling of isolation greatly. It is a work in progress.
Therapy and learning to deal with emotions and anxiety will always be a work in progress. Well worth it and a journey I’m willing to take and invest in.
I’m excited to see where things are in this department in 6 months, and again this time next year. It’s a process and I know it isn’t a linear process. I’ve been all over the place, and there are many aspects still left to process. I’m grateful for the progress I’ve made, for the peace I have been able to receive, and look forward to the healing still to come. It was therapy day again today. There’s a new table in my room. It’s larger and a little intrusive compared to the smaller black one that use to be there. New table aside it was a great session. Cover a lot of things today and I go back in 3 weeks.